tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124539381685751273.post5593994798395312370..comments2023-06-19T04:35:06.263-07:00Comments on Skeptic's Play: Why is calling people out hard?millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05990852054891771988noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124539381685751273.post-13314780926690244252011-05-24T11:03:20.394-07:002011-05-24T11:03:20.394-07:00I'm wondering what you mean by "painful&q...I'm wondering what you mean by "painful" in this circumstance. Calling people out for saying something unacceptably sexist definitely makes them hostile and defensive. Are you referring to that, or something else?<br /><br />My somewhat uninformed speculation is that calling people out on sexist behavior amounts to accusing them of wrongdoing when they didn't see themselves as doing anything wrong. The sort of apology that's typically desired can also be seen as having the function of a public shaming ritual, which people don't like going through either. So it's natural that accusations of sexist (or racist, or homophobic, etc.) behavior would make people defensive and upset.<br /><br />I think to get around this you have to convince people that they've internalized enough sexism that they routinely engage in sexist behavior that's invisible to them. (I think this is actually true.) From this point of view, it becomes your moral obligation to watch your own behavior, but individual slip-ups aren't really moral failings, so that being called on it isn't an accusation of moral wrongdoing. It's going to be hard to get people to internalize this though. Most people don't believe in the ubiquity of unconscious sexism, and I presume this is true in the skeptical community as well.<br /><br />Same is true of unconscious racism, and so on.drransomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124539381685751273.post-81024875218525545962011-05-24T06:56:23.170-07:002011-05-24T06:56:23.170-07:00Er... Gertrude, not Ophelia. Sorry.Er... Gertrude, not Ophelia. Sorry.Larry Hamelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08788697573946266404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124539381685751273.post-11649581333297559822011-05-24T06:54:04.200-07:002011-05-24T06:54:04.200-07:00I have no standing to offer actual advice to any m...I have no standing to offer actual advice to any marginalized group, so I won't do so. Instead, I'll just say how I personally handle similar situations.<br /><br />For me, the most important thing about handling certain situations is to (perhaps counterintuitively) make it about me personally. If someone makes a racist or sexist comment, I say, "<i>I</i> don't like that kind of thing," or, "<i>I'd</i> really appreciate it if you didn't say stuff like that." I think that helps send the meta-message that I don't think the speaker is a bad person, and I give them a very clear path to "reform": All he has to do is not say stuff like that around me and I'll be happy.<br /><br />Hamlet said to Ophelia: <br /><br />Assume a virtue, if you have it not.<br />That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat<br />Of habits evil, is angel yet in this,<br />That to the use of actions fair and good<br />He likewise gives a frock or livery,<br />That aptly is put on. Refrain to-night,<br />And that shall lend a kind of easiness<br />To the next abstinence; the next more easy;<br />For use almost can change the stamp of nature,<br />And either exorcise the devil, or throw him out<br />With wondrous potency.<br /><br />Instead of trying to change people's minds, I just try to change their behavior around me. That seems like an easier task.<br /><br />YMMVLarry Hamelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08788697573946266404noreply@blogger.com