One of the reasons I stopped writing so much about my attempt at a novel is that I hated all the encouragement I got. It's not as if every bit of praise caused a jab of pain. Rather, it was weeks or months later that the flattery slowly began to sour on me.
problem is that whenever I talk about my novel, it turns into an
advertisement. It gives me all the negative feelings I get from
self-advertisement. But unlike self-advertisement, I don't actually get
any sales out of it. It will be a long time before this novel is
published, if at all.
Advertisement has never been my goal. I
just want to dabble a completely different kind of writing from what I'm used to, blather about all
the junk that I learn, and vent about petty insecurities (see: this
post). I am not attempting to be deep or impressive.
The second problem is that I feel like people don't get excited about quite the same things I do.
For example, I feel burdened by the pervasive expectation that I am writing sci-fi, fantasy, or YA. I
want to write realistic (or surrealistic) literary fiction, but I can
hardly tell what that means, or how it might be different from more
popular genres. I feel disconnected from most online conversations
about writing, because I never know when the ideas that float
around really pertain to what I'm trying to do. I am used to living on the long tail of culture, but this is one instance when it really starts to grate, and I start ranting about geek cultural hegemony.
And people aren't sold on my novel, they're just sold on the premise. In particular, readers of The Asexual Agenda
were excited that I would
have an asexual character. This is understandable, since clear asexual
characters are extremely rare in fiction, and indeed I
wouldn't write asexual characters in if I didn't find the idea exciting
But my mind already skips ahead to a future era. Some day,
there will be lots of ace characters in every conceivable medium and
genre. And 90% of everything will be crap. I want judgmentalism, discernment. I want stories that are different,
even in the hypothetical world where there are lots of things to be
different from. I want to talk about what happens in the stories, not
just the fact that the stories exist.